Martyrdom part 2

There is something about being a martyr.Deeply engrained in our psyche.

Deeply engrained in our history.

The ache that desires others to be happy, even at the expense of ourselves.

The guilt that accompanies “putting yourself first”, an all too familiar feeling paling in comparison to the foreign acts deemed selfish.

I exist for the communal WE, instead of the enterprising I.

Am I able to rewrite my spiritual narrative? Incarnating as a leader, showing others the way to an internal land of happiness that I am unable to fulfill in myself.

Everyday a wondering and a wanting to break the chains of a path that was chosen for me, but wouldn’t that make me self-serving?

Is it possible to give and not be bled dry in the process?

There is a scripture about a man that was made to be a disappointment in the eyes of god because he retained a portion of his money and gave SOME to the apostles.

I never understood why he could not keep some for himself, why did this god require all?

Is it even natural?

The social constructs that keep us bound an enslaved to one another and still falling short of being whole.

You could sacrifice your material possessions, time and sanity for human beings and it would still not be enough.

Who decides what and when it has been enough?

Through loving myself I am better able to give and receive love, but those that have not loved themselves will never be able to feel it.

If the well runs dry, should I be grateful that people were able to drink?

However, they will still thirst.

I cannot be the well.
With reflection and gratitude

-A

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