Flashlight…Gaslight…

As I muddle through the dramatic encounter I had with the “sociopath”, I am reminded of a few things. It had me thinking of of not only familial and romantic relationships; but even more so, race relations and how we in today’s society the victim is made to believe that he/she of such said event is “crazy” themselves and it’s absurd to even implicate the offender with any sort or role in an egregious act. But I’ll touch on race at a different time…

Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic that can be described in different variations of three words: “That didn’t happen,” “You imagined it,” and “Are you crazy?” Gaslighting is perhaps one of the most insidious manipulative tactics out there because it works to distort and erode your sense of reality; it eats away at your ability to trust yourself and inevitably disables you from feeling justified in calling out abuse and mistreatment.

When a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath gaslights you, you may be prone to gaslighting yourself as a way to reconcile the cognitive dissonance that might arise. Two conflicting beliefs battle it out: is this person right or can I trust what I experienced? A manipulative person will convince you that the former is an inevitable truth while the latter is a sign of dysfunction on your end.

In order to resist gaslighting, it’s important to ground yourself in your own reality – sometimes writing things down as they happened, telling a friend or reiterating your experience to a support network can help to counteract the gaslighting effect. The power of having a validating community is that it can redirect you from the distorted reality of a malignant person and back to your own inner guidance.

So as I move happily, yet cautiously through my life I take heed to this and remember my footing on this topic.

With love, honesty and a thankfully quiet existence.

– A

You can co-exist with people you do not vibe with…

Recently viewed a video from my favorite YouTube channel and it focused on resonance and connections.

Boy did I learn a lot.

Letting go of people (including family) that I don’t connect with.

Searching for the natural flow of life.

We have been indoctrinated to make things work, when simply the shit doesn’t work.

::SIGH::

Stop the madness! I’m getting tired of being sick and tired.  I don’t want to be a loner but I refuse to associate with individuals if the resonance isn’t there.

With love, peace and good vibes ❤

-A

A Mothers Love…

My mother comes to me often, at least a few times a month since her passing on New Years Day.  +She’s about my current age (34ish) healthy, bright and vibrant.  My mother is at peace especially since she suffered a lot in her earthly vessel.  I miss her beyond measure, but as her eldest, she always said no matter what she would always be with me.  My mother died with me only being there and she was so afraid to go, she didn’t want to leave us behind, but with her latest visit she told me that “truly time is an illusion” and that she’s quite surprised that the afterlife that we are indoctrinated with is not what we think.  She came to me and I literally thought she was actually with me, she had on her signature scent and she sat on my bed and just talked and talked, she mentioned that I was one of the few that would listen to her.  It felt like hours and she repeated to me the very thing she told me the day we buried her and that was “she will continue to show me who my real friends are.”  I asked her why is that her primary focus and she said because you’ve always been too trusting.  I couldn’t protect you in the flesh but it’s imperative that you listen to me now.   She said goodbye and waved and disappeared.

This sounds far fetched, but as a small child these kind of things occurred so often my mother and father couldn’t deny it.  Sometimes I don’t believe it myself.

 

With immense love and light and reverence to the process.

-A

 

and…

What attracted me to J was his poise, attractiveness, polish, confidence, and effectiveness in shaping his life in ways that satisfied him…

I realized that there was very little if any reality behind the façade. As poised as he could be, his preoccupation with image often led him to do stupid things, and his “graceful recovery” was just a failure to properly handle the bad feelings that occurred in the wake of his errors. His “confidence” oscillated between arrogance and self-loathing with nothing healthy in between. And in the end, for all his influence and persuasion techniques, he had no more power to force the world into shapes that gratified him than I did with my more conventional efforts, because it’s just not possible to have that much control over the world. If anything, he was more unhappy because of this as he tended to feel very angry and cheated by every little discomfort, which his belief system told him he should be able to arrange to avoid having to tolerate.

Another thing I noticed was that he seemed to be very proud of me, but over time it unfolded that he saw her as a commodity and devalued me and eventually became physically violent  when I was not as successful or glamorous as he would have liked. He clearly had been counting on me to provide him with a particular lifestyle which he felt cheated out of when faced with the reality of my daily grind. He also seemed to be very reliant on women to provide him with an intellectual and emotional life since his own mentality was quite impoverished. As soon as a quantifiably more successful, popular, and glamorous woman hove into view he started imitating her and grooming her to be his bit on the side while relying on the first girlfriend to support him in the material style (house, car) to which he was accustomed.

As you can imagine, it was hard for me to have any respect, let alone attraction, for him once all this became apparent. Not only that, but seeing him obviously aping the interests and mannerisms of his latest targets, and seeing him change completely to put on a show for them, was quite an eye-opener for me. It showed me that not only did he lack the qualities I’d admired in him in the first place, but that he appeared to have these qualities because he was imitating me. It was literally the case that the thing I hoped to find outside myself had been within myself all along and he had been the one who was looking to me to provide him with those things. It’s a good thing I did get  involved with him because he was an insatiable vortex of need, really very debased underneath his respectable exterior, and I now know what to avoid.

As to finding those qualities in another relationship (other than with myself as described above), give it time. I highly doubt that I’m the most fabulously poised person on the planet, and if I am, that’s quite frightening… If the qualities I sought exist in me, logically they must exist in another person too.

We all crave, and we’re all lonely. There is satisfaction for that craving. I recommended How To Break Your Addiction To A Person and I’ll recommend it again. This is where one will get the most out of their experience with a mad person.

 

With Hindsight 20/20

 

-A

Good Vibrations…

I struggle with feelings of jealousy and feelings of inadequacy, this grieving process is confusing the heck out of me.  I’m angry, sad, anxious, at peace etc. all within a five minute span.

I got off the two dating sites that I was on, and even though it made me feel good talking to various men, I also felt depleted sad and not feeling particularly attractive.

I just lost my mother so it’s to be expected but I just want to be embraced and in love and have help during this difficult time in my life.

I’ve been doing the “work” so to speak and perhaps there’s more to be done.  I don’t even know these days.  I will continue to love myself and spread that love the best way I can until it returns to me.

I’m in a low spot energetically at this time.  Time to raise that vibration.

 With ease, patience and love for thyself.

-Aaisha

2016 kicked my arse…

Right now is time for the petty post. Let’s talk about things to leave in 2016. Matter fact, let’s throw these things away TODAY. The dog ears and the head thingy snapchat filters….hate these shits. The going live on Facebook….and you ain’t saying SHIT….just looking in the camera twirling weave or making duck lips…..trash this 🌽🏀 shit man. 
The giving your “haters” so much attention. Who’s hating? Why do you care? How do your haters motivate you? Shouldn’t the people who love and support you motivate you? FOH with this man lol…quit posting porn, fights, and other violence on social media. 
Quit poking folks on Facebook. Shit is stupid. Makes no sense. Stop making posts about being bored. Boring people get bored. Read a book. Find a new hobby. Stop misspelling words in your posts and misusing your homonyms, homophones, and homographs (grade school English….look it up. ( I’m very guilty of this mainly because Im thinking too hard and miss entire words oh well- let’s all do better) 

The web has a plethora of valuable information besides Rob and Chyna’s relationship). And do research before you say stuff and really have no idea what you’re talking about. We are all guilty of doing the latter. Don’t believe everything you hear. Especially from media outlets. Make an effort to think critically and process information given to you prior to believing it. And make an effort to stay positive as well has embracing that shadow self. Without the darkness there can be no light; vice versa. Do not let this world poison your heart. People have sucked in 2016. Immensely. They will continue to suck until the end of time. Stay true to yourself…unless you’re an asshole. Don’t stay true to that shit. Change. Literally…become a different person. Drink bleach and cleanse yourself. 

Happy Hanukkah, a festive Kwanzaa, Merry Xmas, and Happy New Year. 
That wasn’t really so petty after all….😏

Fitting in…

This is a message for myself. Reflection and speaking solely to myself; this is something I’ve struggled with for a while now.It clicked today. 
Everyone isn’t going to vibe with us 

With what we do

What we think 

What we create 

How we feel… 
No one is obligated to agree with you or even support us 
But the root of the issue

Is why are we expecting this journey, OUR journey, YOUR journey, to be like anyone else’s
What is causing you frustration? 

Why is it that you feel you need approval? 
Those who vibe and resonate with us, are people that reflect where we are or going 
Stop trying to force people to accept you when you’re on completely different wavelengths and THAT’S OKAY
Not a negative thing at all 

We can’t all swim in the same stream 
Breath easy

Be well and with immense gratitude. 

Inside out.

Things will often fall apart 
Like destruction 

Turmoil 

Life flips you upside down on your head and shakes you…. 

All in order to put things back together perfectly 

With a greater outcome 

And closer to the bigger picture 

My last few months I have been turned on my head and shaken, but it’s coming back together now.
I can finally see it happening… 

With gratitude.

-A

The 49th Law

One of the best skills you can develop is discernment about how you feel around certain people. This will impact your energy dramatically.
Allow yourself to chose close friendships with people who you feel good around and let go of the obligatory relationships that drain you.

After the fiasco I just encountered with this last “relationship”  (that’s what he called it) Ha!  I have to learn  that not everything and everyone is going to serve in a capacity of my highest good.  Let it go (me shaking myself)

With laughter, love, discernment and gratitude. 

-A