Hungry 

Can’t show me love publicly
Because of how you speak about me privately

Can’t openly support me

Because someone in your crew or you is filled with fear and envy

Just remember when I make it, don’t be salty

Because, I make sure everyone I care for eats

And the one the one you sidestep me for Couldn’t give a damn if you’re hungry.

-A

 

Word of the day…

Word of the day: PRECEDENT 
The precedent is set that a black person has no rights that need to be respected by a white cop. Or any cop for that matter. A cop killing an unarmed black person in cold blood and escaping even a wrist slap is akin to being the proverbial immovable object. The immovable object is now about to meet the unstoppable force in the form of abject racism, xenophobia and of course a large dose of white supremacy.  
Which pillar of white supremacy will give way? Will it be the precedent that cops can kill at will and get away with it? If that precedent is to stand than that means a black Muslim from Somalia gets to get away with killing a blonde haired blue eyed white woman and that’s an anathema to everything white supremacy is supposed to be about. 
In a strange sort of perverse way the unfortunate killing of that innocent unarmed White woman by the cowardly Muslim black man might be just what the Black Lives Matter movement needs to break the monotony.

With a heavy exasperated sigh…

-A

Martyrdom part 2

There is something about being a martyr.Deeply engrained in our psyche.

Deeply engrained in our history.

The ache that desires others to be happy, even at the expense of ourselves.

The guilt that accompanies “putting yourself first”, an all too familiar feeling paling in comparison to the foreign acts deemed selfish.

I exist for the communal WE, instead of the enterprising I.

Am I able to rewrite my spiritual narrative? Incarnating as a leader, showing others the way to an internal land of happiness that I am unable to fulfill in myself.

Everyday a wondering and a wanting to break the chains of a path that was chosen for me, but wouldn’t that make me self-serving?

Is it possible to give and not be bled dry in the process?

There is a scripture about a man that was made to be a disappointment in the eyes of god because he retained a portion of his money and gave SOME to the apostles.

I never understood why he could not keep some for himself, why did this god require all?

Is it even natural?

The social constructs that keep us bound an enslaved to one another and still falling short of being whole.

You could sacrifice your material possessions, time and sanity for human beings and it would still not be enough.

Who decides what and when it has been enough?

Through loving myself I am better able to give and receive love, but those that have not loved themselves will never be able to feel it.

If the well runs dry, should I be grateful that people were able to drink?

However, they will still thirst.

I cannot be the well.
With reflection and gratitude

-A

Man listen…

I’m so tired of the peaks and valleys, the mood fluctuations, walking on eggshells, the okie-doke. I’m so tired, so tired…
Not every time someone shares their experiences with you are they trying to “get through to you”. 
Not every time are they trying to make you “understand”.
Not every time are they looking for a response. 
Sometimes…
People just need to verbalize their pain. 
Sometimes
People just want you to hear their anger, their frustration, their fear. 
No explanations.

No intellectualizing.
Just pure emotions.
And those moments are necessary. 

Let it humble you.

If the only time you hear someone speak is when they’re yelling…
If the only time you pay attention to someone is when they “act out”…
You are the source of their pain.

Let that sink in. 

Happiness is NOT a warm gun…

Happiness is a warm gun is one of the few Beatles tunes I can tolerate and I often sang it with the slight twinge of curiosity of what that would be like ( just saying…) 

Excuse my overuse of elipisis by the way. 😂

Happiness is an inside job… seriously…I’ve gone through some traumatic things in my life and it took me a long time to realize… no one has the key to your happiness Honestly… I wouldn’t change those things… they’ve made me stronger… clearer… more in tune with my intuition… I’m thankful for all the growth I’ve experienced… it took me a long time to realize … I’m whole within myself… the past few years have been widely expansive when it comes down to learning myself… as a human in this dimension… Thank you for riding with me… 😘 
With gratitude and growth. 

-A

Be careful…

Not to project and perpetuate the same cycles and behaviors that you have a problem with. 
Be gentle with yourself. 

With gratitude. 

-A

P.S this is my 200th post!! Whoo Hoo 😉

On dad’s day…

Do people post mother’s day greetings with qualifying statements? Don’t get me wrong – if you are very close to me, you know the delicate and adversarial relationship I have with my own dad; I’m all about celebrating the act of motherhood and I’m very clear that moms put in a lot of work in gestation that fathers cannot imagine let alone do. But I’m seeing quite a bit of “to those men who hold it down” or “to the real dad’s out there” and I’m trying to think back to a month ago if people openly put stipulations on celebrating mommas or thanked only the ones who didn’t do ignant shit to their kids. Now that I think about it, the gates be open to “every woman is a mother” even if they have not biologically carried a child while biological fathers are getting invalidated (and women getting saluted as the momma and the daddy on fathers day bit that’s a whole nother issue).

Rant 

VIBRATE HIGHER!
Sticks and Stones may break your bones

But 

Words can actually kill people 
What may be just a joke or laughing matter to you 
Could be the final straw that literally pushes someone over the edge 
You don’t know what people are experiencing 
BE GENTLE BE KIND ALWAYS 
There is enough wrong with the world already

Do we really need to gossip about one another

Must we make fun of what someone is wearing 
WHAT IF THAT’S ALL THEY HAVE TO WEAR?! 
PEOPLE ARE HURTING AND STRUGGLING EVERYDAY 

NO ONE deserves to be picked on or bullied 
One word could take someone from depression to suicidal 
Is your ignorance worth another person’s life?!
Keep that in mind the next time you find yourself “just joking” abouts someone’s situation, someone’s appearance, someone’s finances. 
It could very well be you

So Sunday was my 34th birthday and it made me think of a few things because sometimes I have all of nothing thinking, which can be extremely problematic. 

I’m in California for vacation. Thought I’d share this pic too. With gratitude.

-A

Note To Self: 
1. Remember all those times you thought you wouldn’t be okay, but you ended up being just fine….
2. The only person you have to prove anything to…. is YOU 
3. Nothing in life is permanent, so the “not so nice things” really are just TEMPORARY 
4. Sometimes the “not so nice things” are blessings in disguise. Bringing you closer to where you need to be or further from where you don’t….
5. Resisting neccesary changes only tends to make situations more difficult. Just remember #1👆